I lost my bicycle

Penduduk Sect 11, 12, 14, 17 & 19 PJ, jika nampak basikal emas, sila pukul budak tu. Bedebah sungguh. Dan bawa balik basikal itu, hubungi saya di dillmalik at gmail dengan email bertajuk 'Barang dah jumpa."

Residents of Sect 11, 12, 14, 17 & 19 PJ, if you see this gold bicycle, please beat the living daylights out of that kid and bring back the bicycle, contact me at dillmalik at gmail with an email titled "Got them 'stuff'."

P/S I've changed the grips, they're black and gray.

mother of irrational awkwardness

During dinner yesterday, my mother and I were left alone at the table, side by side.
She had never noticed me wearing glasses (I started wearing them about 3-4 months ago) and asked when I bought them.
I said "Dah lama dah."
She asked why didn't I wear the huge ass retro glasses she bought for me, I said they were too common and ugly, mine got stars. (Stars at the edge of my glasses, only meant for stars, like me.)
She stared emotionless and looked away.

After that, I had a major wtf moment when she broke the silence by saying-
"Bapak awak kata awak dah umur 23 dah, dah patut kawin dah pun."
Me: Tapi mak kawin masa umur 28 -___-
Mak: Eh, mak awak belajar pastu kerja tau. Awak tu dah habis belajar, dah kerja dah pun.

I slit my throat.

Did an interview for Juice with Sheiko last week.
We were supposed to interview each other about what we do (which I suppose, is art) that relates to us being girls. Yeah. Dirty corporate tactics.

So one of the questions Sheiko asked me was, if I were Prime Minister, what would be the first thing I'll say to the rakyat.
The first time she asked, I kept quiet, so we moved on.
And because we seriously didn't know what to ask each other, I had to answer to that.

To which I said...
Rakyat. What rakyat? I don't care about the rakyat.

And it is true. Like I've said in a previous post, I DON'T CARE ABOUT THIS COUNTRY ANYMORE. This country has no hope.
Not for now. Not till my kids grow up.

// I decided today that I will marry a bloody rich and handsome and smart Mat Salleh. I'm not racist, I'll take Mos Def, totally handsome ok. Then I will have 4 children born with flowers in their curly hair. If all fails, then I'll have 50 cats. //

I believe everyone should rely on themselves. Sendiri jadi baik, sendiri jaga kain sendiri, sendiri punya hal. You step on my toe, I step on your toe back. Or not, because I baik like that. But why step on my toe in the first place when you got your own toes to step on?
But yeah. SENDIRI PUNYA HAL LA.

Perhaps it's because I cannot tahan people telling me what to do, and how to do things.
I am happiest when everyone has their own opinion, and everyone is independent, and no one cares about me.
Everyone should be like that.

I don't care if you're gay, or choose to be stupid, or want to dress up ugly, or a self-proclaimed non-conformist. OK. I don't care. Just don't kacau me.

So yeah, rakyat. I don't care about you. You poor little souls.

pukimak

What are you doing?
Oh, I'm updating my resume.
Looking for a job?
Not exactly, someone asked for my resume.
What for? You have nothing.
What?
Tell her you have nothing.
... But I have a resume.
No, you have nothing.
What do you mean I have nothing?
Look at you, you're 18, just fini-
I'm 22.
Oh, 22. But you're still studying and -
I've been working since I was 18.
But you have nothing.

I glared at him and kept on insisting that I have nothing.

Tell me, what are you studying?
Graphic design.
Where?
LKW.
Oh, LKW.
Yes.
What do your parents do?
Oh, they're doctors.
And why are you not a doctor?
Just not interested.
How stupid is that?
What?
How stupid is that? Your parents are doctors, you should be a doctor too. Be better than them.
...

The Fear of Losing

1. Produk ini mengandungi lebih 4, 000 bahan kimia termasuk tar, nikotina, dan karbon monoksida yang membahayakan kesihatan.

2. After water, tea is the most widely-consumed beverage in the world. It has a cooling, slightly bitter, astringent flavour.

3. I never slam the door these days then again, I'm never here. And you know where to find me with my oldest friend I hold so dear. Who named the days? Who named this mess?

4. 5. Innit?

back.

So it's back, I felt it intensely two days ago, but I figured I could last a week or two, since I've been and will be ridiculously busy until the end of mid-June.
But it's here. Now.

I'm so tired.
So awake. From pouring RedBull in my tea. RedBull plain. A bottle in the morning.
RedBull in my tea. Like a cough syrup addict.

It's so exhausting, it ending next week doesn't make me feel better, knowing I'm slightly left behind in school (angry today because that idiot Angela whom my group leader woke up for presentation today, and idiot Angela said it'll take her 1 and a half hour to get to college. She lives in fucking Cyberia, 8 fucking minutes! Skipped the bloody presentation, and then had the nerve to ask us rhetorical questions, like, fucking RHETORIC, poster memang guna Illustrator kut, it's written on the bloody whiteboard for a reason, ARGHEGRHAHHHH)
Tak buat kerja pastu nak mengarah. Hello, kau buat presentation guna Comic Sans, tak layak berkata apapapun OK!!!
Final year, COMIC SANS. Black background, white comic sans?!
TAK LAYAK ALL OVA YO FACE.

I was happy during lunch when GG said 'Join la!' when Ben said 'Dill nak join Kurasa balik.'
I am scared of GG, mainly because during our last project I was so busy and depressed I let the latter get the best of me and disappeared.
By now, I believe, everyone is used to me disappearing. Especially my parents.
I do feel bad, and I do plan to change that.
Glad also, because I've been working super-odd jobs and I've learnt so much that I want to do so much, and I'd rather not do creative things with anyone but my two boys Ben and GG.
We're so difficult to work with, but I'd really rather not work with anyone else.

Anyway, it's late and I really wanted to punch Angela's face just now.

PM: Malays started fight for independence

IS THIS SUPPOSE TO MAKE ANYONE FEEL ANY BETTER?
Fucking bodoh.
I suppose it'll make the superior Malays feel better when they've voiced it out, that they're the ones who started it, and the other races helped them gain independence.
Whatever la, really.
If it makes you feel greater, sure.

Call me a racist of my own race, but I really don't think Malays should earn any special rights.
I'm for equal rights. Ingat orang Melayu je ke yang susah?
Ingat orang Cina sejak azali pandai Matematik? I mean, seriously, everyone works hard. (No, Munkao, I'm not being funny. Is damn angry, k. Is not excitings.)
Fucking bodoh.
So fucking bodoh.

And you idiots waste hardworking people's tax money by building that stupid Istana.
Last week, I had a photography job, and the place was located RIGHT BEHIND the new Istana's site.
I was shocked when I saw monkeys, like, 6 of them, swinging around.
She said the monkeys have no where to go, it used to be all trees. That huge land, all trees.
She also mentioned that some 30 years ago, her in-laws planted trees behind their house, and the trees are huge now, and they were also somewhat a barrier against the highway noise and city lights. All gone.
Fuckers.

Use that damn money for your people la, the ones you nak sangat call Malaysians, nak sangat racial integrity.
Fucking bodoh.
Some people are living on less than RM1 a day, and some more now got global recession, and you fucking idiots selamba badak nak throw money for some ISTANA.
WHY? Takde tempat nak party/buat gathering ke?
KLCC besar nak mampos. Why not have an outdoor party at your old Istana, you have a HUGE garden, no?
IDIOTSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

Kalau kau nak sangat racial integrity, senyap la pasal Malay superiority.
It's common fucking sense.

Samsung 200, expired in 2006, taken at Mimaland, 2009, by me.
Ironic, isn't it.

After watching Qalam by Hadi Koh, and after reading this by Dr. Mohd Asri, I quote
"Awareness should be made for them to realise Islam is not for MALAYS only."
There is a reason why they don't put huge doors in mosques, you know.

Tu dulu

There was a time when CDs were priced at RM50 (are they still?), mp3 players were bloody expensive (or non-existant), and handphones for teenagers were scarce, and most people used dial-up instead of broadband (if you don't know the difference, you're probably too young for me. If you're rich, please email me your phone number, and I will teach you the differences, and how the world was back then) and my dad had bought a radio (with CD and cassette player) for each room in the house.
My elder brother's one got spoilt quite fast, so I felt pity for him, not being able to enjoy music, so we made an agreement, I'll let him have my radio during the week, and I'll listen to it during the weekends and at night.

I must've been about 15, when I bought a 'A Rush of Blood to the Head' cassette, and listened to it day in and out, whenever my brother was in school.
Being such a boy, he would take the radio, and hide my cassette so that I would not have anything to listen to.
I would get so angry, I'd shout at him, at one point, after 3-4 times of doing it, I tried to find my cassette but to no avail, and he wouldn't tell me where it was.
Later on after much searching, I found that it was broken in half, like your morning toast you want to dip in your half-boiled egg, like a car-wreck, like a biscotti, like Titanic. I was devastated, shocked, sad, angry.
So I punched him while crying, punched him so hard, and my brother, who was and is about twice the size of me, looked at me like he didn't feel a thing, and pushed my shoulders so hard, my back hit the door frame behind me.

It hurted like a mother. I thought I broke my backbone, in the middle.
That bitch still didn't admit. And I stopped talking to him since.

Ok well, I think we started talking again when I finished high school. But still.
Tomorrow, no bitch ain't gonna stop me (except for the Customs, if they find my sanitary pads suspicious).

This picture is fo ma braddaz frum diffrnt muddaz, Hana, GG, and Azam.

annoying.

I wrote and drew a book/zine last year called 'I don't talk to strangers', and this year I feel like the writing bug has bit me.
Maybe also because I feel another predictable depressing fit building up.

So fuck this shit, I'm drawing another zine titled ' My negative mother'.

I'd rather not.

So recently (read: yesterday), I really wanted some awesome bubur from Chow Kit, but they were closed (berapa lama mak cik tu nak cuti, sial la), and I initially planned to bungkus some and share it with Fairuz who's working in KL for awhile, and I'm sure he gets bored of the food they serve there everyday.

And then I thought, if the porridge is in a plastic bag, how am I suppose to eat it with my friend?
Am I really gonna risk eating hot porridge from a thin PLASTIC BAG?
I think not.

I've been refusing plastic bags since high school when it started cluttering up my table, and the micro plastic bags like the ones you get when you buy a pen or hand sanitizer, are practically useless.
There was a time when I was selling tshirts and my routine would be, fold and hand tshirt to customer, sometimes, they just stand there and smile, prompting me to ask 'Do you need a plastic bag?'
From my observation, they guys wouldn't mind holding it, or stuffing it in their backpacks, but the girls, despite their huge handbags (which were oh-so-in that time), would ask for a plastic bag.
I mean, ok la, maybe you have make-up in your bag, but seriously, your bag is HUGE. It's the length of your bloody abdomen. I usually roll my eyes or raise both eyebrows when I say OK to them.

I have a huge canvas bag with Hermès on it, but it's not original la, my sarcastic friend makes them for money (and fame, of course), and the best part about going on a shopping spree without having to have them in plastic bags is that when you (finally) get home, and turn your bag inside out on your bed, you get to see EVERYTHING you bought that day.
For me, it makes me feel like a cat admiring its kill (rats, birds, cockroaches etc).

Oh yes.
So yeah, and I saw this awhile ago, which is a great way to recycle plastic bags.


So back to the story about the dilemma between me and sebungkus bubur, I have decided to buy a really nice tupperware and everytime I want to bungkus food and eat it at home (or in the car), I'll make them put my food in there.
Material-wise, maybe not plastic kut. Kalau besi, panas pulak... but we'll see la how.

I'm sure my friend, Ayman Aiseyman would applaud me for it. Kenal, tak kenal, we're fighting the same war. Kan? Jah.

And another thing that's been really bothering me about this plastic bag thing especially came to me when Azam and I got lost in Dengkil, where we drove ourselves into a landfill site. It stinks of well, trash of course, and I saw all these plastic bags, with shit in them, and it's all stuck in there. It's fucking disgusting.

Imagine how nice the world would be if those small plastic bags (not the black ones) were replaced with lovely brown paper bags.
Imagine the landfill, instead of having fuckloads of plastic bags, had fuckloads of brown paper bags instead. Hujan pun nanti dia jadi papier-mâché, at least tak takung air.
Innit? Think about it. Really.

In Section 14, PJ, where I used to live, I would often see people parking next to Sungai Penchala (more like longkang), get out of their cars, and dump fucking rubbish into the river/drain.
Seriously, dude, BODOH KE APA, rumah takde tong sampah ke? Fucking BODOH sial.
Once, I even saw a happy old uncle riding a motorcycle, parked, and threw dead rats into the river/drain.

I'm sorry, I won't call myself an enviromentalist or anything, but I just find it fucking annoying that people still don't realise how bad this country is, I mean, rivers look like fucking longkang, rivers deserve to look like rivers. Blue and clear water with pretty fishes and whatnot, not like teh tarik/Milo with fucking trash as fishes.
Nak buat Putrajaya, nak buat KLCC, cantik, besar nak mampos tapi sungai busuk kotor macam I don't know what to say. Sampah siot.

I was at Magick River last year, at the river in front of Antares's house, and my friends and I weren't the only ones there, there were a group of (bukan racist ke apa nak mention their race) Malays there too.
So we were having a nice time, swimming, when I saw some of the Malay guys smoking IN THE BLOODY RIVER.
IN THE BLOODY RIVER where the water could easily just padam your fucking rokok, bodoh sial. But anyway they were smart enough not to smoke it while wading through the rough waters.
The fucked up thing is, when they were done with their cigarettes, they simply flicked it into the river. I'll tell you what Magick River looks like, the water so clear you can see the rocks, and the water is cold, and the scenery is nice with all the trees, and you get these SAMPAH MASYARAKATS throwing their cigarette butts in the river.
The water then flows to a reservoir, and imagine this, everyone knows cigarettes contain shitloads of chemicals meant to kill (be it animals or us humans), and then benda tu terperap dalam air punya lama. EEW.

I felt like bashing their heads on the rocks siot. Fucking bodoh.
Takde gunanya kau nak pakai benda branded, nak kereta mahal, nak fake accents semata mata nak nampak kaya, up, and whatnot kalau kau bodoh enough nak buang sampah macam tu.