Sometimes, I ask myself, why why why am I such a genius.

During dinner just now, while zoning out, I thought of another family portrait 10x more obnoxious than my previous idea (refer to the blog post before this). The idea was so great (and funny) that I found it really hard to wipe that smile off my face, looking like a fool, smiling alone.

I tried and tried, and I looked even more of a fool trying to mask that upward smile with a frown. (It's really ugly, ask Li)
So I decided to tell my mother.

Me: Mak, wouldn't it be nice if I painted a family portrait?
My mother: Family portrait? Oh, ok, then we can hang it in the living room! *big smile*
Me: Mm, yes, I'll paint you and Papa sitting down........ with a very big Pokme.
My mother: *instant frown* What?! I don't want that horrible cat!
Me: Pokme on your lap. Pokme on both your laps, a very long Pokme.
Amir (my brother): In her weird poses.
My mother: Taruk dia jauh jauh! Mak tak nak kucing tu! Tak pun buat dia kecik je in a corner. Nampak ekor je.

Afterwards she totally ignored the fact that I wanted to paint my parents and my lovely cat, and said that if I paint the portrait big, she'll hang it in the living room.

For those of you who don't know, my mother absolutely hates cats (since her cat Mang died during her teenage years), especially Pokme. She calls it Kucing Berdosa, and will attempt to kick Pokme everytime she's in her parameters.
As for my father, he is very pasrah about our devotion for that hateful cat. He only loved one pair of cats, and that was Pokme's mother Cikeding, and Cikeding's brother, Kucing Putih.
He used to talk to them during breakfast when no one's listening.

This will be a funny family portrait and I cannot wait to start painting ^___^

Kesedihan tak terhingga 2010 and beyond (Post muntah darah)

So I just came back from the ENT doctor, and he said there will be no way possible for my sinus to cure unless I get rid of my cat(s).
For those of you who don't know, I actually have two cats. The other cat (I call it 'Kucing Lagi Sekor Tu'), I have absolutely no love for, because it's so annoying. Attention whore.
Nak makan pun kena teman. Dah la tak manja, sombong. (Click to see The Other Cat)

But I pity the cat because at night, I open the door to let Pokme in, and I kick (literally) her out. Sebab dia bodoh tak pandai tahan berak. Pokme tahan sampai esok pagi ok. So smart.
And everytime dia mintak makan (which is to everyone who looks at her) I personally tak bagi, unless we're alone at home, and no one bagi makan.
So because she is SoOOoOOoOoo di-anak tiri-kan oleh I, I rasa totally bersalah menganiaya binatang yang dari azali tak bersalah, dan memang Dia jadikan Kucing Lagi Sekor Tu attention whore, I cuba sayang dia. But enough about the other cat.

HOW CAN ANYONE SAY NO TO THIS LOVELY FACE?!!!




I mean, look at this dumb face

Juling. JULING! She's so funny sometimes, I just want to slap her dead.
Why God punish me like this? Ha? What did I ever do to deserve such allergy?
I so sad yew knoww? Me, her, soulmate, ok? I SO SAD.

/

I think every couple of weeks it comes to me, and I ignore it, try to ignore it, completely ignore it, knowing very well it's there, waiting like a long lost mother.
But I simply cannot, and I keep myself unbelievably busy. Unbelievably busy, that even my parents don't believe me.
So busy, and I let myself drown, lost in time, more and more work. I don't want to know it's October already. Another artshow in November. College one doesn't count.
Fucking masochist. Sometimes I don't know what I'm doing. All these things, but what for? I'm burning out faster than a meteor in the ozone layer. Apasal nak metaphor over over?
Why. Why I even bother.
Still I comfort myself with... never mind.
My long lost mother waits with such loyalty, I run to her crying. For the right reasons? For no reason?
... I tell myself you're not there anymore. And yet...




I don't have time. Not for you, not for this.




Goodbye.
//0142 slowly now, slowly.

My tiger.

I come home after some days in the studio, and LOOKIE MY TIGER!!!
My brother thought it would be funny to put the furball on her neck and apparently she didn't even bother taking it off. Such a champion. Oh I love her so much.

vsdgfds

I slept while waiting for Hana's phone call to hang out, after she finished work.
Had a weird dream (or two) (again), deleted viruses from computer (I'm still not rich enough for a Mac), went downstairs for a drink, came back upstairs to find my cat waiting in front of the toilet door.
I poured some water into a gayung, and left it near the door, and she drank the water.

Waited for her to finish, turned off the lights, and closed the door.
I was looking at Hasisi Park's pictures when my cat started kneading on my comforter.
She now has moved on from the foot of my bed... to my pillow.

I can see that she is half-awake. I know she is expecting me to move her aside, or wake her up so she can let me settle in, and then she, but tonight, it looks as if she wins my bed.
I'm not sad, last time she slept with me was 2 days ago. I miss her dearly.

I want to start writing and drawing, but I'm so numb, nothing really matters anymore.
And I don't know what to draw.