i dont want to be this, nor that
nor female, or male
i dont want to be nice, or mean
or sad, or happy
i am not 16, or 20,
or any age
i dont want to be here, nor there,
just far away
nothing is for me,
and i dont exist for anyone.

soon, i will cease to exist, like you,
only active/alive in memory, 
other people's collective memory.
in a room where we meet, 
only there i will be.
neither this, nor that,
nor female, or male,
nice, or mean,
sad, or happy.

I woke up for the 4th time this morning shocked that I woke up

Dark corridors, colourful skies from the big window, lighting up the walls. Fog. It was probably dusty.
Colourful skies, like a pretty sunset, hills, endless hills, I wanted to take a picture so badly, regretted not bringing any camera, not having a better handphone.
Rushed back to my room just in case I had a new roll of film.
Passed by my father who was operating on a patient (in the lobby).
Glanced but didn't think much, rushed back to my room.
It was a hotel. Dark corridors. Bright orange light from the windows.
Got to my room, it was messed up. Had two strangers in my room, one hiding behind my door, the other next to my bookshelf.
Didn't think much, just needed film.
Waded through the sea of clothes and old toys on the floor for my bookshelf.
Two rolls of film. Found one Agfa, too precious, so I took a Fuji 200.
Contemplated on which camera, the 35mm pink point and shoot mechanical camera, or my Canon.
Decided on the latter.
Tried to fit in the film while rushing outside, scared I might get clumsy and drop my precious camera.
By the time I got to the lobby, it was dark but the light coming in from outside was so bright, too bright.
Floor was shiny.
Sky was gray now. Going to rain. About to rain. Darker, darker, darker now.
So comforting.

No, I don't believe I have a fetish for

Had two awesome dreams yesterday.

1. Picked GINORMOUS sized mushrooms from my house with Ben Liew. I kept on asking him if they were the right ones, but he was too struck by awe, he couldn't answer me.
We kept on picking the mushrooms and I was so happy we finally got enough mushrooms to throw a hallucinating hummus party, just as long as my parents don't come home.
Obviously still in disbelief by the amount (and size) of mushrooms growing in my house, I shook Ben yang tengah taksub and asked him if these mushrooms were right, if not I would have to make boring mushroom omelletes and he looked at me, so happy, so happy.
And then I woke up. With no mushrooms.
(Walked to Paandi to buy fried mushroom before dinner)

2. Was going to a party when I entered a car full of cartoon superheros, Batman, Superman, you name it lah.
And GG was there. I sat next to Batman.
But then again... thinking back... Maybe GG was in a Batman costume!
No, in real life, I do not wish to see GG in a costume. That's just wrong.

Or is it?

My car got stuck in UM yesterday when I helped my brother move into the hostel.
His roommate aint dat cute, but I saw some cuties walking around.
I hope my brother befriends the smart handsome ones. Lovely lovely.
Ada reason to bond with my brother now. Malangnya dia takleh check Facebook kat sana.

fe

I had a dream that I bought a .com already, and was working on the layout, html, etc.
SAD.