and lo, it was waste and void.

Project March postponed till next year, and it won't be a project anymore.
Returning to college this year.

Had a talk with my parents, and it turned out that there's no running away from my depression. The hard truth revealed, from both sides. Forgiving is still hard, but I hope this makes me closer to my parents nonetheless, before it's too late.
Apologized for being a stranger to both of them, but I do find disappearing, disconnecting, feeling isolated so very desirable. Told them if I don't get to draw this year, I'll go to a mental institution and disappear there (I was/am really serious about this).

After some negotiations, I decided not to go on with Project March, and in return, get psychiatric treatment.
Since my parents insist I finish college this year, I suppose I'll need something (read: drugs) to make me stupid.
Imagine this:

I am a fried egg. Me, mentally.
Now, with college, I need to be JUST A YOLK with some sprinkled pepper (read: creativity. Or not).
JUST A YOLK. I've never been just an egg yolk, so small, so stupid, but I suppose I don't mind spending one year in sheer stupidity just to finish college (how ironic).
Must be exciting, to finally stop thinking, worrying, depressing.

Come next year, and I will not exist.