and my favourite boy forgets //2

Whenever we watched a Tamil or Arab movie, he would be the first to shed a tear (quietly) or laugh, us, only after reading the subtitles.
Favourite swear phrase, Bloody Fool.
And Japanese jibberish (because I don't understand).

My great-grandfather was Arab-Indian, great-grandmother Indonesian.
He married a Chinese Indian. But we are Malay in our IC.
He was Koge to me. Superman. Mighty Immortal Demigod.

I am proud of my grandfather. So proud of him, that I wanted to be just as great.
He was the drive I had to do Kurasa seriously. I wanted to be important.
I wanted someone to be proud of me. My parents.
And now, with my so-called art. For about a year, I loved taking pictures of him.
During his physiotherapy at home. His assistants.
For awhile, my first year in college, I think he was proud of me.

I was very young when we were watching an old Malay movie with a massive ribut scene.
He told me they used a huge ass fan for the wind effect, and I asked him how he knew, and he said he was at the set. I didn't believe him. Koge, arts? Nawwww.
When the credits were on he told me to keep my eye on the screen for his name, and wow.
There was his name. In a movie credit. Yeah I was impressed.

We didn't hold hands when walking in Ampang Park. Before I knew it, I was in the middle of nowhere, and someone took me into a toy shop where I sat on the counter quietly. They gave me a Marshmallow Man to hug.
Koge rushed in a worried haste, Adam behind him. Scared, Koge was stern.
But that time he was nice. Caring. Asked me if I wanted the Marshmallow Man and I sat quietly not saying anything.
Went back home with a new comforting toy.

He loved my elder brother, Adam. Loved. Sayang sangat. I felt so left out.
No friends, my family was giving me a hard time.
He always took Adam out for lunches. They always came back home happy, so one day, I waited outside the house and my grandfather had no choice but to bring me along.
I sat in the gold Mercedes observing the roads so I remember where we were going.
Perkim building. Long way to the carpark. Felt like a roller coaster ride.
Huge doors opening to the biggest room I've ever been to.
Long curtains. Posh. Carpets. Long dining table.
That was the first time I had pink and white kuih lapis. I sat with my brother eating the kuihs and played hide and seek under the table while he had meetings.

Awak tau Koge dulu kerja apa?
What?
Spy.
Yeah right.
Ye, Koge dulu spy.
Spy untuk?
(I'll keep this for myself.)

I remember feeling weird when he visited us in Scotland.
Back then I thought we were neighbours who rarely visited each other. Distance was... nothing.
I didn't understand why he was staying with us.
Feeding ducks. Ice cream.
Him and his slacks, suspenders, crisp shirts, a formal jacket, hat, sunglasses, shiny, shiny shoes.
Always smelt nice.
He was always sharply dressed. Everytime he left the house, he had to be sharp.
That time I didn't know why my grandpa was always so formal when he went out. Kenapa tak pakai je selipar?
Kenapa kena wangi sangat? Malam pun nak pakai topi ke, Koge?
And now I know, there is probably no men like him.

Adila, tolong Koge.
Nak apa?
Kat toilet, gigi Koge.
What?
Gigi aku la, (mencarut)
And I saw his fake teeth in a glass, which was when I knew he had dentures.
I'm telling you, to me, he IS immortal. Perfect. Gigi palsu? Human betul la datuk aku ni.

On Saturdays when I went to my grandparents place, I usually have no one to talk to or hang out with, so I sit next to him in his room, watch TV with him.
He'd wave his hand at me and smile a cheeky smile.
Kenapa Koge?
And he'll point at his thick wool socks and I know. I'll know what to do.
His feet so skinny and frail. I was extra careful not to break any precious bones.

Ambikkan pyjamas Koge.
Almari mana? Ok.
Lovely cotton, or silk?
Mana mana la.

I'll help him wear it, one hand... and then the other. He was so skinny. His skin soft and leather-y. Shiny. Freckles sikit. Sagging sikit. Tapi soft.
Tolong button baju. Tolong pakaikan gloves.
He would smile and watch TV.

Apa hobi kau?
Hobby?
Ah.
(Think. Think. Think. Reading? No. Gardening? But I'm 19, of course I wont tell him that. Think. Think.)
Kau suka photography kan?
Uh, ah, yeah. Suka.
Apa camera kau guna?
Manual. Film.
Yang digital kau takde?
No.
Kalau kau nak, cakap kat Koge, Koge belikan.
Er, takpe la Koge.
Tak tak, kau cakap je. Berapa harga camera tu?
Tak tau, tapi takpe la Koge. Papa belikan.
Kau cakap je, nanti Koge belikan.

Nah, kau bawak camera?
Bawak!
Tangkap gambar Koge. (He smiled)
Hahahaha, handsome! Koge gigi rongak!!! (Showed him the picture)
Bagus bagus.
Koge, senyum lagi!

This time, he smiled his dashing smile. (refer picture on top)